The Club
by Georgiana1234
Summary: It is Bella's birthday and a strange present from Emmett sparks the beggining of The Club but will Edward ever get into it or will he die trying?
1. Bella's Birthday

**AN: I had a lot of help from princess Ezzy my pal on this one, I hope you like it. PLEASE REVIEW!**

Chapter One: Bella's Birthday.

Bella sat among a sea of wrapping paper the Cullens eagerly thrusting presents at her. They had really gone all out this year, there was a mountain of gifts piled up behind the majority of which were from yup you guessed, Mr Edward Cullen himself. Bella blushed as Emmett handed her a gigantic pink wrapped parcel.

"Happy Birthday Bella." said Emmett smiling at her mischievously. Bella grinned back. Edward was suspicious of Emmett's present, Emmett had been very careful of his thoughts around Edward recently, whenever he came near him he started chanting _I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to hide_, _I have nothing to hide, I have nothing to hide_ over and over in his head until Edward have to leave the room, the words still spinning round in his brain.

Bella tore off the bubble gum fuscha paper to reveal, Edward's jaw dropped, a unicycle. He glared at Emmett. Nobody said a word, including Bella. She just stared at the gift in her lap. After a long pause she said happily.

"Wow." She clapped her hands in delight. "I've always wanted one of these, thankyou so much Emmett." She waded through the wrapping paper to a clear space in the room. Emmett and Edward screamed "No!" in unison. Bella looked at them.

"What?"

"Why don't I give you a few lessons before you try anything on your own." said Emmett cautiously.

"Wow, can you ride this thing Emmett?" asked Bella, impressed. Emmett shrugged modestly.

"Not until a couple of days ago, I've been practicing." He avoided Edward blazing eyes, he was sure steam was about to start pouring from his ears.

"Show me." Bella ordered and handed the unicycle to Emmett who had also waded to the clear spot where Bella stood. Emmett took it and stood perfectly still for a couple of seconds. Quick as a flash he jumped onto the unicycle and starting weaving round the room, a blur of football jumper and jeans. Bella's jaw dropped open this time. Emmett twisted, turned, cart wheeled and finally jumped skilfully over the pile of presents and Cullens to come to land in the exact spot that he started in. Bella clambered for words and Emmett smiled shyly.

"Will you teach me?" asked Bella at last, Emmett nodded and Bella jumped up and down in excitement.

"Great! It'll be so much fun." she said happily. "Besides, we've never had much in common Emmett so it will give us a chance to get to know each other better." Rosalie glared at her from the sofa.

"We've got plenty in common Bella." said Emmett frowning slightly. "We both met our partners when we were human."

"Oh yeah!" said Bella enthusiastically. "Let's start a club."

"A club?"

"Yeah, a club, we can do unicycling on Fridays and. . ."

". . . and karaoke nights on Saturdays." said Emmett, catching on. The Cullens were looking from Emmett to Bella in amazement.

"I want to be in this club." said Alice. " I mean I met Jasper when I was a vampire but I did know a vampire when I was human." Bella smiled at Alice.

"Sure you can be in the club Alice."

"And me." said Jasper "I knew a vampire when I was human."

"Really? Okay." said Bella.

"Me too." said Rosalie animatedly.

"And me." said Esme.

"You guys can all join the club." said Bella grinning round at everyone.

"I'll be vice president and Bella can be our leader." Said Emmett.

"What about me?" said Edward from the back of the crowd. They all turned to look at him.

"I think the club is full now." said Jasper maliciously.

"Yeah, I think six is enough for any club." Rosalie agreed. Everyone nodded except Bella who looked around franticly at her members.

Again my fan fiction readers may feel that I am portraying the Cullens in the worst way possible but what you and Bella didn't know was the incident that occurred early on that day. The Cullens were going about their daily business happily together. Alice and Jasper were watching a movie, Rosalie was in the bath, Emmett secretly putting in last minute practise on the unicycle in his room, Carlisle was working and I'm not sure where Esme was. Anyway Edward was serenely sitting looking at the snaps he had taken of Bella earlier that week, laying them out on the table and humming her lullaby sweetly to himself when he suddenly had the erg to test out his speaker system because he had spent so little time at home that week that he had not had time to listen to any music. Unfortunately for Edward Bella had been innocently twiddling with the knobs and had accidentally turned the volume to full. This might not have mattered on a different stereo but this was Edward Cullen's stereo, this was the stereo that Edward Cullen had expertly fixed so that a deaf person could hear it when it was on full. Anyway the long and short of it was that Edward ending up blasting "I love rock and roll" through the whole house shaking the very foundations and causing Rosalie to fall through the delicate floor of the bathroom (still in the bath I might add) straight onto Alice and Jasper. Oh dear. And that my dear friend is why the Cullens were glaring at Edward so. Edward did not know what their problem was, they had fixed it before Bella had got here and nobody had been hurt. Carlisle sighed, folded his newspaper in two and went upstairs to his study.

"I think. . ." said Emmett, broodingly. "In order to enter 'The club', you, Edward Cullen. . ." he prodded Edward in the chest. ". . . shall have to go through an initiation test from each of us" Edward's eyes grew wide.

"Why do I have to do a test and nobody else?" he said, clearing his through so they wouldn't hear how dry it was.

"That's the rules of 'The Club' Edward, if your not with us your against us." Said Emmett, raising one eyebrow, Bella gave a squeak. Edward gulped.

AN: This was a very long starter chapter but read on to see what Edward faces. Mwhahahaha.


	2. Alice's Test

Chapter Two: Alice's Test

"You shall face a test from each of us in turn." Said Emmett. "and if you pass all of them you get to be in "The Club."" Edward nodded.

"Bagsy I go first." Alice piped out.

"Damn it." Emmett cursed and stamped his foot on the floor. Alice grinned.

"I'll need, Bella, Jasper and five minutes." Her pixyish features were slightly crazed and she grabbed Bella and headed into the kitchen.

Five minutes later Alice emerged from the kitchen holding a gigantic bowl of. . .cereal. Edward, who was sitting at the piano, stared at her as she set it down on the coffee table, he could see what was coming.

"Alice what's. . ." he started but she interrupted him.

"Edward Cullen." She said with an air of triumph about her. "For your first task you must consume this bowl of cereal." Edward put his head in his hands. "But, it isn't that simple." She gestured to the window and Edward looked up. There hung Bella, by her ankles, in the rain. He stood up suddenly. "You have to eat it before Bella hit the ground." She looked immensely proud of herself. She handed him a gigantic silver spoon and Edward approached the swimming pool of utter filth he would be forced to eat. He turned back to Alice, about to plead with her, to beg her but she silenced him with a shake of her head. He knelt done beside the basin and glanced outside once more, Bella was swinging precariously in the breeze.

"Your time will start when you take your first spoonful." Said Alice sombrely

Edward closed his eyes and picked up the ladle-like spoon. He dipped it into the pool of gloop and it made slurping sound as though it was getting sucked under. He lifted it out slowly and brought it up to his lips.

"God what one will do for love." He whispered. Alice scowled.

"Zippet frosties boy"

Edward glared at her but reluctantly shoved the first shovel full into his perfect mouth. He let out a grown of disgust and Alice signalled to Jasper who was hanging from the top of the window frame, he leaped up and started to lower Bella slowly down. In actual fact Bella was completely safe and dry because Jasper had taken two precautions. The first was to attach an umbrella to the aerial that stuck out of the chimney so that it was directly above Bella and the second was a large trampoline positioned directly under the window just out of sight.

Edward shovelled furiously covering every inch of his clothes, hair and skin in milk and assorted cereals. He had a cheerio in his ear, several cornflakes in his hair and shreddies littering his shoulders.

Bella was half down now, swinging dangerously in the wind, Edward didn't take his eyes of her as he crammed wheatabix down his throat. He was nearly finished he just needed to drink "the milk" Edward scoped it up with the spoon but he did it so quickly that most of it ended up back in the bowl. He cursed, cheerio's still dribbling from his mouth. Jasper let Bella drop a couple of inches and she let out a high pitched squeak. Edward became more frantic and he picked up the bowl, chugging down the putridly sweat liquid. He set down the bowl with such force that the glass table smashed ear splittingly loudly.

"Oh god, that the fifth time Esme's had to replace that stupid table this month, why don't we just get a wooden one?" Rosalie said, staring down at the mess.

Edward looked out the window, Bella was still swinging, she gave him the thumbs up and smiled. He beamed at her but his grin turned to a look of horror as she dropped suddenly out of sight. Fortunately she bounced up a moment later otherwise Edward probably would have screamed like a little girl.

She clambered down from the trampoline and came running into the house, through herself into Edward's arms.

"You were so brave!" she squealed.

"It was only a bowl of cereal." Muttered Emmett "My challenge. . ." he trawled of and started muttering darkly to himself.

"So am I in?" Edward asked cheerfully.

"No! You have to do a task from each of us!" said Rosalie quickly.

"Ok who's next?" he said confidently.

"I think Bella should go next." said Jasper emerging from upstairs and grinning at everyone.

"Okay." said Edward turning to her. "What's you task?"


	3. Bella's Test

Chapter Three: Bella's test.

Everyone could pretty much guess what Bella was going to say.

"Change me!" she demanded. Edward rolled his eyes and took her arm raising it up to his mouth. Bella held her breath and Edward paused.

"As if." He said lowering her arm and smiling. Bella put on a sulky face but Edward could see a smile in her eyes, he stared into them, in a dream.

"Can we skip the lovey dovey stuff please?" said Emmett grumpily and Rosalie shot him an angry look.

"Ok. . ." said Bella and stared off into space. After a minute she brightened and turned back into space. "Edward Cullen . . .your task is to. . .kiss me!" she said triumphantly. Edward rolled his eyes; she wasn't taking advantage of this situation at all. He leaned in towards her with a slight tilt of his head and the others turned away politely. Bella put her arms round his neck and their lips met. Edward closed his eyes and breathed in her glorious scent. The broke apart and Bella blushed furiously as Edward brushed her hair away from her face and leaned in again. Alice coughed and the two looked up.

"Can we move on please?" said Rosalie. Edward ignored her and kissed Bella again, Bella closed her eyes and ran her fingers through his hair. Edward did the same. The other rolled their eyes and Emmett grabbed Edward by the collar of his shirt pulling his off her. Bella grinned at him and Edward chuckled.

"My turn!" said Jasper.

"Why?" said Emmett, "It should be my turn, I am after all second in command."

Jasper took him in for a second and then shook his head.

"No it's definitely my turn."


	4. Jasper's test

**AN: I have to say that Jasper's task is my second favourite task because it is so clever. My favourite of course is Emmett's but you'll have to read on to find out about that one mwahahaha! Although I do like Alice's. Anyway, ignore me. Enjoy and do review if it suits you ********. Xxx G**

Chapter Four: Jasper's Test.

Jasper cut right to the chase.

"Edward Cullen." He boomed impressively from his great height (well in Bella's and Alice's views it was from a great height.) "You are well renowned for your light and nimble fingers on a certain instrument I now stand next to." He patted the beautifully crafted grand Piano which was the pride and joy of the Cullen living room. Edward frowned. He was complimenting him? Was this some kind of joke? "…but my task will test those so called talents to the limits" Jasper dramatically drummed his fingers on the table and raised a beautifully arched eyebrow. Alice nearly fainted. "You shall attempt to play 'The flight of the bumble bee'…" he was interrupted by an amused snort from Edward. Jasper's one raised eyebrow nearly disappeared into his hairline.

"Sorry Jasper…but I've played flight of the bumble bee a million times, it's hardly a challenge, in fact…" Edward paused here for effect. "…I've even been playing it in double time recently. Bella nodded her head gravely.

"It's true, I've heard him practicing." She said to Jasper who had drawn himself up to his full and rather intimidating height.

"You didn't set me finish." Jasper said and paused. "You shall attempt to play 'The flight of the bumble bee' in…." he paused again and brought his eyebrow slowly down to meet its partner. Bella watched it eagerly. "…QUADRUPAL TIME!" There was a crash of lightning and from somewhere near the kitchen there was a series of violent organ chords. Everyone jumped and looked around.

"Oh sorry." said Esme rushing towards the kitchen. "That was the egg timer, I'm making Bella dinner."

"Strange egg timer." said Bella to Rosalie. "Where did you get it?"

"Ikea." said Rosalie lazily.

"Oh." Said Bella and turned back to Jasper expectantly.

"Do you except?" Jasper raised the other eyebrow this time but couldn't quite reach the dizzying heights the other one reached with it. It would appear Jasper is right eyebrowed, unusual in vampire but never mind that now. Edward looked rather determined and he stood up and stretched his fingers in anticipation.

"Yes! Yes I do!" said Edward. It is lucky that both Jasper and Edward have a gift for melodrama or this would have been a very boring chapter indeed. He strode over to the piano and with a sweep he sat down on the perfectly polished stool, whipping up the cover to reveal the glistening keys.

Edward raised his arms high above his head, his hands arched in tension and with a flash they were on the keys and notes were spewing from the instrument like Blood from a wound. Everyone's jaws dropped as he went through double and then triple time. Jasper stood expectantly at his side, a metronome clutched in his hand as though it were his only child. The piano creaked and started to smoke slightly under the hood and still Edward played, faster and faster, the endless notes blurring into longs song flamboyant ones. Bella cocked her head to one side.

"I kinda like it better like this." She whispered to Alice so as not to disturb her genius of a boyfriend.

"Yeah" She agreed "It's kinda going waltzy. Dance with me Bella!" She grabbed Bella and started whirling her round the room in time to the blurred notes.

"He's nearly there!" screeched Jasper whose voice had travelled several thousand octaves above the average chipmunk

Edward's hands were invisible as he got faster and faster.

"He's done it!" screamed Jasper leaping onto Emmett who staggered back into the glass table Esme had just brought up from her back up supply downstairs. She groaned.

Edward had a manic smile on his face as he kept getting fast. Jasper got up from the pile of splintered glass and frowned.

"No Edward you have to st…Edward! Edward stop it right now!" He lept on his rugby tackling him off the piano and the music stopped.

"Awwwww!" said Alice and Bella in unison as they stopped waltzing. Edward chuckled. Rosalie took the cotton wool out of her ears and set down her magazine on Edward's glass covered face.

"Is it over…ooo…what happened to the table?" she asked and stepped on Emmett's chest to reach Jasper and Edward. "Can I go next?"

"No!" said Emmett sitting up from the pile of debris. "It's my turn."

"No. its not!"

"Yes it is!"

"I want my turn!"

Edward sighed, sat back down at the smoking piano and began to play Bella's lullaby.

"I wonder what that would sound like in Quadruple time?" said Bella who had come to join him. Edward grinned; this would be much easier than it was for 'flight of the bumble bee'. He immediately speeded it up to four times its normal speed. Alice, Bella and Esme listened for a while as Rosalie and Emmett continued their enraged conversation and Jasper began sweeping up the remains of the table.

_I kinda like it better this way._ Thought Alice calmly.

"I heard that"


	5. Rosalie's Test

**Chapter Five: Rosalie's task.**

"IT'S MY TURN!!!!!" bellowed Rosalie and Emmett flinched, seeming to give up.

"Fine…" Emmett grumbled and sat down unhappily on the piano stool, forgetting that Bella was already perched there and nearly rendering her legless.

"Well then…" Rosalie said, a picture of calm now as she flicked back her long, golden hair. "Everyone follow me…" she said mysteriously and glided gracefully upstairs. They all followed her, Bella over Edward's shoulder much to her displeasure.

When they entered Emmett and Rosalie's room Alice gave a little gasp of happiness and Emmett scowled.

"You turned our room into a beauty parlor?" He said disgustedly, staring at all the many products and fluffy cushions that now lay strewn across the room. Rosalie smiled merrily.

Bella face was equally distorted into the same look of distaste.

"When did you even do this Rosalie?" she said in amazement.

"That doesn't matter now." She replied in an of hand voice. She walked forward and grabbed Bella's arm, sitting her down in a big pink chair in the middle of the room. Then she grabbed Edward's arm which was not as easy to do and pulled him, with effort, to the spot where Bella sat. Alice's mouth was nearly watering now.

"Oh very good Rosalie!" she said happily and whispered something in Jasper's ear.

"Oh no…no I'm not doing that." Said Edward, seeing what Alice had seen and scowling at Rosalie.

"Well then you'll have to kiss goodbye to supervising Bella unicycling." Rosalie said coldly, her smile had turned to a harrowing look of indifference. "We thought every other week we'd do it with Roller skates on as well and every fortnight…"

"FINE!" said Edward angrily.

"What the hell is going on here!" said Bella, frustrated as she looked from Rosalie to Edward. Rosalie grinned at her, something Bella wasn't used to and she nearly fell sideways off the big pink chair.

"Edward has to…" her voice quivered with excitement. "…GIVE YOU A MAKEOVER!" Bella gasped and she looked pleadingly at Edward.

"I'm sorry Bella…" he said forlornly "I do this for you…" Bella screamed as he advanced on her, a hair brush in one hand and a lipstick in the other.

Half an hour later

Rosalie was deciding that maybe setting Edward this task was a bad mistake. It meant that probably her sister in law to be would hate her for all eternity…literally.

"Don't worry" she said, glancing over at Rosalie's anxious face. "I've seen it. She forgives you…eventually." Rosalie let out a moan just as Edward stepped back to admire his work.

Bella scowled back at him, her lips black with eyeliner, her cheeks red with lipstick. Her hair stuck up in a Mohican like fashion around her head and cotton wool stuck out of her ears in an unattractive fashion.

The Cullens gathered round Bella and Edward frowned, his chin wobbled.

"I'VE RUINED HER!" he wailed and sobbed, tearless sobs into Rosalie's shoulder.

"You've got that right." Rosalie observed harshly as she took in the glitter that covered Bella's forehead. Edward sobbed harder and Bella grabbed a hand mirror. For a split second her face held a look of utter horror and then she relaxed it in pleasure.

"Edward, Edward…" she said, trying to get his attention. "EDWARD!" he turned to look at her unhappily. "I…" she smiled. "I love it!" everyone gasped in amazement.

"What!" screamed Rosalie like a harpy.

"I think it's great!" she said happily.

"But Edward hasn't passed….has he?" Alice asked tentatively.

"The rules said that Bella had to like her makeover" said Rosalie miserably; she had clearly been hoping to catch Edward out on this task.

"And I do!" Bella said happily and embraced Edward who smiled. She ignored Alice face which contorted into revulsion.

"I love you…" He said and embraced her again. Emmett coughed.

"Alright, Alright, break it up, break it up" he said grabbing Bella as Edward leaned into kiss her. "now… I believe it is my turn!" he said proudly. "Let the task comm…."

But he was interrupted by Esme who tugged on his arm.

"Isn't it my turn next?" she asked, a smile lurking behind her calm eyes. Emmett opened his mouth to protest but Jasper interrupted.

"Ah, ah, ah" he wagged his finger disapprovingly. "Ladies first!" Esme smiled at him.

"Thankyou dear." She said appreciatively and glided from the room, the others following her.

**AN: Not my favourite task but Edward sure pulls it out the bag. I have to say Emmett's is brill though so keep reading! Oh and reviews are nice if you could spare one. **


	6. Emmett's test

Emmett lead the Cullens to the front door

**Chapter Six: Emmett's test**

Emmett lead the Cullens to the front door. 

"Now Edward what you have to understand is that when I open this door you are no longer my brother…well vampire adopted brother person, you are merely the enemy." Bella made to say something but Emmett clamped his hand over her mouth. "It is my job as vice president of the club to keep from unworthy members entering the ranks of the chosen ones."

"Come on Emmett, just tell me what the task is." Edward said, stretching out his fingers lazily.

"You're cocky…" Emmett laughed sarcastically. "How amusing. Well you won't be so cocky when you face…." He threw open the door. "The task of dooooooom." Rosalie raised her eyebrows.

"Task of doooooom?"

"Temple of doom was already taken but what you gonna do." Emmett whispered aside. He turned back to Edward who was looking sincerely under whelmed. 

"Emmett there's nothing here except your jeep, a pair of roller-skates and…" he picked something pink and fluffy up from the floor. "…a too too?" 

"Please say he's gotta wear that!" Alice smiled smugly and Edward growled at her. 

"A-ha-ha-ha" Emmett cart wheeled forward in excitement and pointed to a ramp leading from the top of the highest chimney. "Edward Cullen in the next few minutes you will have to skateboard down this ramp on roller skates at break neck speed, pirouette (still in the roller-skates) over to my truck which you must then lift over your head and stand on one leg, then you must collect Bella from the burning flames which will be lit as soon as the task starts, spin her three times round you body and then strap to your back. At this point you will crawl through the muddy ditch of despair without dirtying either your or Bella's clothes and while you are doing that you shall recite Shakespeare's sonnet 130. After that you shall catapult yourself through the air to land on this X" Emmett pointed to a red cross on the ground. "Following that you shall solve a tricky trigonometry question, without a calculator!" 

"Ooooo scary." Bella squeaked. 

"I know sorry about the flames Bella but we have to give him some insentive."

"No I mean the trigonometry." She shivered. "On a weekend! Torture!" 

"You're mad you know that? You'll jump off cliffs but you won't do trigonometry on the weekends?" Alice hissed.

"I'm not!" Bella interjected. "Now Emmett, where are these red hot flames, you'll need to strap me in!"

"Wait!" Emmett's voice rang through the night like a gong. "There is ONE MORE THING" Everyone was silent. "You must do all this while wearing this!!" He heald out a magenta helmet with a water jug strapped to the top. 

"Hey!" Alice yelled. "My Bella bal...I mean my football helmet. Use your own!!"

"I couldn't, it wouldn't have fitted. You know how tiny Edward's head is!" Emmett received a sharp blow in the back of the head. 

"My head is not small!!" 

"Course it isn't darling." Bella stroked his hair off his forehead. "And your hair is not ginger."

"It isn't!!" Bella continued to stroke his hair in what Edward interpreted as patronising pity. 

"Anyway…" Emmett continued, clearing his throat. "You shall have to do all this wearing the measuring device of self worth." 

"The what excuse me?" Edward asked. Emmett laughed loftily with the air of biology teacher who has been asked to explain the difference between a crocodile and an alligator (seriously I would actually like to know the difference I mean apart from the fact the that alligator says "in a while" and the crocodile says "cya later" so if there is anyone reading who knows just give me a buzz, much appreciated) 

"The measuring device of self worth." He held the helmet out to Edward to put on. "We fill it with beans and quite simply if the level drops under the line of mediocrity you are not worthy to be in the club." Everyone nodded as though the level of beans in a jug was a perfectly acceptable way of measuring someone's self worth. Edward rolled his eyes and fastened the buckles thinking that perhaps, it was a little loose after all.

"Alright." Emmett intoned impressively. "Edward Cullen are you ready?" Edward stood straight and tall.

"We who are about to die salute you!"

"Then let the challenge begin!"

**AN: I'd just like to explain that that last bit was not a random suicide proclamation from Edward, it is something the gladiators said in ancient…err times when they were about to fight. But maybe you already knew that…just fending off angry reviewers. **

I would also like to point out that I am splitting Emmett's task for the following reasons.

a) For dramatosity and suspense.

b) Because it is the bestest and grandest

and

C) Because I don't wanna say goodbye to my beloved fanfic, I love this one! So I am stretching it out over another chapter….I have separation issues. 


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